Partly Cloudy, 64°
I have 50 minutes at 9 a.m. tomorrow to prove that I’m comfortable with everything I’ve learned during the past few weeks about my ex, and I’m so behind on stalking it’s ridiculous. Maybe I should close Facebook and take a quick peek at my anatomy textbook?
No. Five minutes will turn into five hours, and I don’t have that kind of time. I may even have to pull an all-nighter to catch up from all the time I’ve wasted attending lectures.
That’s it: I’m taking an Adderall – but I’m only doing this because if I don’t do well, I may never move on to the next relationship.
Uh-oh. I should have waited to take that until I was in a quieter section of the Sci Li. Apparently the girls over there, all huddled around their anatomy textbook, don’t have important coffee dates to stalk for tomorrow. All they’ve done is flip through pages of their brainless encyclopedia and squeal at the things they learned last night. “Look at those muscles!” “These pictures look gross!” “I’m so screwed! I totally forgot about that!”
They should be doing that in their dorms; everyone else has important people to stalk. I bet none of them have ever tried memorizing three weeks’ worth of wall posts in one night. And if they had, I bet they wouldn’t understand them.
Now, lets move to a higher floor so I can – oh no, Stacy’s crying again? Looks like she left her anatomy textbook open. It’s her own fault someone came along and wrote “I just pooped!!!” in the margins.
She should really focus more on her future like me rather than getting flustered by meaningless things like medicine. Where will a bachelor of science degree get her in ten years?
Is that my phone? Not now Mom. I need to concentrate. God, she’d be so ashamed if she knew how much time I spend on schoolwork. There are 750 million people registered worldwide as pre-meds, and only a select few individuals can pass through a relationship far enough to engage in the kind of Facebook stalking I’m doing.
After all, my parents don’t pay $50,000 a year for me to waste my time on education.
