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The photographic memory of Pleasant View Elementary School student Johnny Garfield, an accidental witness to three grisly area murders, has been little-to-no help at identifying the lone suspect. Providence Police attribute his lack of helpful information to Garfield not having his eyes open during any of the good murders.
“Most of our high profile cases are solved by talking to a highly gifted savant who happened to witness the crime and remembers a tiny, perfectly salient clue,” stated Police Chief Matthew Campbell. “Johnny dropped the ball though. And because there’s no other way in this modern world to photographically recall minute details like a suspect’s tattoo designs or mole placement, I’m just not sure how we’re going to solve this crime.”
Officers were at a loss when the only photographically perfect descriptions of the crimes Garfield provided to officers were descriptions of his own eyelids. When he was further asked to pick the correct murderer from a lineup, Johnny confidently picked the man that looked most like a large, blurry blob.
“During most of our good murders, witnesses with photographic memories are able to get close enough to the scene and observe it from all angles so as to remember how many freckles a murderer has, or what brand is on the tag of their protruded boxers. They are totally immune to the harrowing effects of having to look at a severed arm or two, and instead take an interest in the little things. I honestly don’t know what went wrong with Johnny, here.”
When pressed for comment, Garfield was unable to respond, as he was busy in interrogation not remembering the length of the murderer’s left pinky nail.
