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Sources have reported that Professor Alastair Prendergast failed 65% of his Clairvoyance 1300 class this past Wednesday, five weeks ahead of the final exam.
“As I gazed into the temporal rhizome, I saw a dark miasma hovering over the tests of certain students of mine,” said Prendergast, sitting languidly in an ornate wooden chair while reflecting upon the musings of his orb. “The fates will have their way with my students, oh yes they will, and I will trace their path like a seafarer charting the tide.”
“I don’t know how he was able to tell that I was going to fail when we hadn’t even covered everything in the syllabus,” said Jane Roberts, a sophomore taking Prendergast’s class who received a failing grade weeks before taking the scheduled exam. “That said, he totally hit the nail on the head—I really wasn’t paying attention during the lectures.”
“The oracle bones, they do not lie to me, for I alone can coax future’s sculpture from time’s marble,” said Prendergast, around whom menacing purple clouds filled with crackling lightning had somehow gathered. “I might add, my students who received grades of the passing variety were able to predict it beforehand.”
At press time, Prendergast said he foresaw “great anguish” regarding the Spring Weekend lineup.
