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The Brown Noser

Love Actually

Published Friday, December 6th, 2019

Although it’s viewed as a contemporary classic, the 2003 film Love Actually has come under fire in recent years. Clearly, there are some issues with the film, such as the lack of diversity and absence of female-centric storylines. But the most serious issue is that I was not chosen to play the role of Natalie, love interest of Hugh Grant. I would have done such a good job. I think that if only the producers could’ve seen my likely spectacular chemistry with Hugh, then casting me as his one true love would’ve been a no-brainer. Sure, Martine McCutcheon does a fine job as Natalie. But the way that a young, floppy-haired Hugh Grant gazes at her is no match for the lustful gaze he would have undoubtedly set upon me, had the producers not royally fucked up with this casting. I’m sorry, but this movie will never measure up to the much better, hypothetical version in which a dashing Hugh Grant scours hundreds of apartments to find me, NOT Martine McCutcheon, before the climactic Christmas concert.

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