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The professor who assigned you two ten-page essays, a lab report, three-weeks worth of problem sets and a take-home midterm all due on the same day has no idea you’re enrolled in classes other than the one he’s teaching.
“I just don’t understand how he thinks we could possibly do this much work,” said Haley Crean ’13. “After he heard us all groan, he just stood at the board confused and told us that this wasn’t unreasonable, considering we’re not in high school anymore, and that this was the only class we were taking.”
“I’m taking five classes, and two of them are taught by him,” she added.
Your professor has scheduled his office hours, as well as all TA hours and lab sessions, between the hours of 11:00 and 2:00, when your three other classes meet. However, this shouldn’t be a problem because, according to him, if you’re not working for his class then you’re probably not doing schoolwork at all.
“He scheduled a full-day mandatory field trip to Boston on a day when I had three midterms. I tried to get out of it, but he asked me if I had other non-class work I wanted to attend to instead, like a girl. Or drinking,” said Henry Jansen ’12. “When I said I had three midterms, he just paused, winked at me and said as much as he would like to excuse me, I did have to put in some effort sometime.”
Your professor has also taken the liberty of extending class through reading period and scheduling six-hour-long final review sessions throughout finals week itself. After doing the calculations, he has trouble understanding why the university would allot two weeks for finals, when each person is only enrolled in one class.
“He decided to schedule two finals, one three-hour exam on December 15 and one 72-hour exam starting at three in the morning on Christmas Day in an unnamed location at Brown,” explained a visibly stressed Harrison Brown ’13. “He said we could only decode the location by piecing together combinations of extraneous symbols he’s being writing on the board all semester. That shouldn’t be a problem, considering this is apparently the only class I’m taking.”
“I guess maybe if this were my only class, it would make sense. But I’m taking four.”
During one of his recent day-long labs, where students were required clean his three-story house using only toothbrushes, your professor was overheard remarking that he hopes one day he will be fortunate enough to only teach one class because adequately torturing two classes worth of students is grueling work.
