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High school student Nazim Azmeh was delighted yesterday when he was finally able to buckle down, unplug his social media sites, and finally get some real work done after the Assad Regime assisted youth nationwide by cutting Syria’s internet access.
“Sometimes we get so wrapped up in knowing every detail about our family and friends on websites like Facebook and Twitter that it’s hard to concentrate on more important things,” said Azmeh from his textbook-strewn desk at home. “Like, I’m not going to get anything done if I keep checking whether everyone I know and love has been murdered or tortured then murdered by government militiamen or not!”
“It’s so liberating to be away from all of that,” he continued. “Now I can focus 100 percent of my energy on doing actually important things, like my schoolwork for my school that was taken over by militiamen and is now being used as a rebel interrogation center.”
With all his extra spare time, Azmeh boasts the ability to participate in extracurricular activities he never dreamed of doing before, like barricading the windows of his father’s apartment, or buying black-market weapons and ammunition to defend himself.
“I even have enough time to try new hobbies,” he stated while putting his laptop in a locked drawer. “Like joining the regime’s army! The government has helped me so much these past 24 hours by cutting of the Internet, I feel like supporting them in any way I can!”
He then took a picture of himself on his cell phone’s Instagram app, giving a thumbs up in front of the Regime’s flag.
“Upload to—oops! Old habits die hard I guess,” Azmeh said, laughing and slapping his leg. “Oh look! They’ve cut the phone lines too! This is great, now I won’t need to be constantly wasting my time answering text messages from my girlfriend asking me stupid things like if I want to flee to Jordan tonight or not.”
