Saying that she wishes to honor the legacy that current president Ruth Simmons left behind, incoming president Christina Paxson announced on Thursday morning that she will step down as president early next semester.
“Ruth Simmons was an effective and popular president because she was not afraid to make big decisions,” said Paxson, addressing students and faculty in Alumnae Hall, “and none was bigger than her decision last fall to resign the presidency.
Though they invested more than $1 billion in its development, United States military officials have yet to find a use for their gaydar.
Iranians and Israelis are celebrating the end of the hostile and violent relations between their two countries after Israel recently prevented any further bloodshed by bombing Iran and subsequently declaring “no bomb-backs.”
“We were ready to hit them right after they bombed us,” remarked an Iranian Defense Department officer, “but then we heard that they had declared ‘no bomb-backs.’”
“Rules are rules,” he added.
The nation tuned in a few weeks ago once again to honor the tradition of watching the bottom half of Vice President Joe Biden’s facial expressions for one hour every year.
This year, however, President Barack Obama is receiving criticism for standing up in front of Biden’s face in order to try to summarize his administration’s current goals and the problems facing the nation in a long-winded though admittedly well-written impromptu speech.
The adorably emotional man in the movie theater next to Alison James ’13 kept trying to pass off his tears as a knife wound to the eye during their favorite historical drama.
“No, honey, it’s not a big deal,” Cameron Stein ’12 said, holding back sobs and gripping his left eye.
In a broadcast aired on all major television stations this weekend, evil genius Dr. Isaac Napalm announced his intention to seize control globally and render all the planet’s inhabitants powerless before him, right after they lie down and take a rest for a while.
My opponents have argued that by cutting spending during this time of strife, our government would be repeating the same mistakes it made in the 1930s. My opponents have claimed that such cuts would plunge us into a tortured era of misery and severely damage our economy, leaving it in a battered state from which it would take years to recover.
We throw the word “sex” around pretty liberally. Who goes a day without hearing the phrase “Man, we totally did sex last night,” or possibly “I sexed her up good”/ My counterpart has done an admirable job stating her argument, but to truly understand the problem we need to first ask the question “What’s sex?”
Is anyone willing to explain sex to me? No one? It’s okay.