Iranians and Israelis are celebrating the end of the hostile and violent relations between their two countries after Israel recently prevented any further bloodshed by bombing Iran and subsequently declaring “no bomb-backs.”
“We were ready to hit them right after they bombed us,” remarked an Iranian Defense Department officer, “but then we heard that they had declared ‘no bomb-backs.’”
“Rules are rules,” he added. “You just can’t argue with ‘no bomb-backs.’”
Seeking to finalize the decision, Israeli and Iranian officials met on peaceful terms to sign a treaty committing them to the “no bomb-back” initiative.
The treaty was initially signed by five Iranian government officials but had to be torn up and re-signed when it was discovered that one Iranian official had been crossing his fingers the whole time. Another Iranian official admitted he had been crossing his toes.
Although Israel’s declaration of “no bomb-backs” has prevented an escalation of violence with Iran, tensions with Palestine remain high, due in part to Palestine’s recent calling of “dibs.”
“We definitely had dibs on Israel,” stated Palestinian leaders at a recent U.N. Council on relations in the Middle East. “BS, we had dibs first,” responded Israel. Palestinian and Israeli leaders then said unanimously “No, we had dibs first,” after which Palestinian leaders declared “Jinx! You owe me a soda.”
Israel refused to cede “dibs” but did buy Palestine a soda.
In a brief statement apparently unrelated to Israeli peace talks, the United States shouted “shotgun no blitz!” and quickly ran to a nearby vehicle.