The Brown Noser

Arts & Culture (Sep 27 2024 issue)

Record-Breaking 23-Minute-Long Standing Ovation At Cannes Film Festival Receives 8-Minute-Long Standing Ovation | Sep 27 2024

According to attendees of the Cannes Film Festival, visionary director Jacques Bijoux’s latest avante-garde film received a record-shattering 23-minute-long standing ovation, which further received an 8-minute-long standing ovation. “That was a transcendent experience,” claimed long-time standing ovation enthusiast Peter Greene, as he wiped blood off his raw, blistered palms.

Untortured Artist Reveals Wholesome Family Portrait Instead Of Avant-Garde Piece On Reptilian Depression | Sep 27 2024

To the disappointment of those attending his art show, untortured artist John O’Malley revealed a drawing of a wholesome family portrait instead of an avante-garde piece on reptilian depression. “I wanted to create something that represented the love I have for my family,” said O’Malley, who would’ve painted nihilistic crocodiles composed entirely of human eyeballs had his parents not been so supportive of him as a child.

Leaked Release Of Ed Sheeran’s Next Album Entitled x = (-b±√ b^2-4ac)/2a | Sep 27 2024

Creating quite the stir in the music community, a leaked release of Ed Sheeran’s newest album reveals its title is x= (-b±√ b^2-4ac)/2a. “Honestly, I cried when I first heard the album and its name. It was such a beautiful artistic take,” says William Campbell, the president of Brown’s Radio Community, listening intently to Sheeran’s basic pop love song.

Netflix Original Perfectly Replicates Psychedelic Trip Via Swirly Filter And Silly Colors | Sep 27 2024

After extensive research into psychoactive effects, the new Netflix Original series Wild Girls has completely accurately portrayed a psychedelic trip with the use of silly filters and crazy colors. “We’re gonna start the scene with some slightly dizzying music, then we throw a swirl filter onto the faces of every character who’s tripping,” said Lance Bates, head of the show’s visual effects team, switching to a swirly wobbly fish eye effect to really replicate the disorienting physical, mental, and emotional effects of a psychedelic trip.

Beethoven’s 5th Fails To Chart On Billboard Hot 100 For 11,310th Consecutive Week | Sep 27 2024