Partly Cloudy, 64°
To the disappointment of those attending his art show, untortured artist John O’Malley revealed a drawing of a wholesome family portrait instead of an avante-garde piece on reptilian depression.
“I wanted to create something that represented the love I have for my family,” said O’Malley, who would’ve painted nihilistic crocodiles composed entirely of human eyeballs had his parents not been so supportive of him as a child. “My family means everything to me and I really wanted to incorporate them into this piece.”
“I drew my two daughters and my beautiful wife,” continued O’Malley, who would’ve replaced them with Pollock-esque chameleons on Zoloft had he not been everyone’s best friend in high school. “I also added our adorable little bulldog, Mimi, who is really our family’s angel.”
“I just wanted to remind everyone how important it is to cherish your family,” added O’Malley, who would’ve added cubist alligators contemplating the meaning of life if not for his perfect marriage. “Family is everything, and without my family, I would truly be nothing.”
At press time, untortured writers published cute friends-to-lovers novels instead of traumatizing AO3 fanfiction.
