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The Brown Noser

Off Campus (Apr 27 2007 issue)

Planned Parenthood Express to Offer Fries with That | Apr 27 2007

Last week, Angell Street's Planned Parenthood Express implemented its most recent innovation with the addition of fries to what the program's director calls its "menu."

Explorers Discover Dartmouth Hasn't Existed for 50 years | Apr 27 2007

Dartmouth, the oft-forgotten member of the Ivy League tucked away deep in the woods of New Hampshire, has not existed for at least fifty years, according to explorers Rufus Edgemore and Stefan Burgundy. The discovery has left the Ivy League, now short one member, in shambles.

Thayer Street Kettle Corn Man Injured in Knife Attack, Man and Popcorn Left Earless | Apr 27 2007

The hustle and bustle of Thayer Street was disrupted last night when an unknown suspect assaulted Bernie Poppems, the much-loved Kettle Corn Man at his usual post in front of the Brown Bookstore. The suspect demanded all of Poppems' products and, when Poppems resisted, wrestled the vendor to the ground and cut off his ear. Poppems described the suspect as a 5'11", 230-pound male with a high-pitched, lisping voice.

Govenor Cuts Power to Thayer Street to Get Free Roba Dolce! Gelato | Apr 27 2007

An investigation of the blackout of the entire off-campus community last Friday has led to the indictment of Rhode Island Governor Donald Carcieri. The area was blacked-out due to an unusually conductive canoli, found wedged into a circuit breaker next to a transformer buried under Wayland Square. National Grid is also bringing a civil suit against the governor.

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