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The Brown Noser

Science & Technology (Oct 29 2021 issue)

Weird Herb Must Be Cure For Something | Oct 29 2021

Medical researchers agree that this really weird herb must be the cure for something. “I can’t tell you what exactly this herb can cure, but it smells really bad, and if an herb stinks that much, that probably means that it’s some kind of medicine or something,” explained researcher Mabel Notts as she tried to put a little piece of a leaf into a pill.

Every Inkblot In Rorschach Test Looks Like Mother Crawling On Ceiling Like Spider | Oct 29 2021

According to an internal report of the research methods at Princeton Plainsboro Psychiatric Institute, the facility’s Rorschach test is faulty as every inkblot looks just like Mother crawling on the ceiling like a spider. “We owe it to our patients to administer only the most up-to-date psychiatric tests,” said institute faculty member and author of the study, Dr.

Geologists Announce They Found A Cool Rock By The Lake | Oct 29 2021

Calling the specimen “sick as hell,” geologists at UC Berkley have announced that they found a really cool rock by the lake. “You gotta see this fucking rock, guys,” said lead geological researcher Dr. Thomas Goodwin. “I was hanging out by the lake when I saw something shiny in the sand, and it was this rock.

Taxidermist Won’t Stop Adding Extra Ears | Oct 29 2021

Stealing a peek over his shoulder before affixing a fifth ear to a mounted bobcat, sources report that area taxidermist Clark Gallory won’t stop adding extra ears to his creations. “He’s out of control,” said Gallory’s colleague Myranda Bonder, looking on as the taxidermist gleefully glued an elk ear to the back of a sandhill crane.

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