Executives at Toyota Motor Corporation announced in a press conference yesterday that the new Toyota Blare has a vroom capacity of 93, the highest in Toyota’s fleet.
“By increasing the motor’s vroom chamber and adding our new vroom amplifiers we were able to create a car that can go vroom louder than any other car on the market today,” said Toyota chairman Takeshi Uchiyamada.
After decades of field work and intensive research, archaeologists at Cambridge University announced that they believe early man may have lived entirely encased in dirt.
The study, published in Nature after extensive peer-review, postulates that the reason we keep on finding early human fossils and artifacts in the dirt is because that’s where they lived.
A report released by researchers at Boston University found that, if you really wanted to, you could be on a roller coaster right now instead of reading this newspaper.
According to the research, which looked closely at your options at any given time, there’s currently nothing stopping you from driving to the nearest amusement park or county fair and getting on a really fun roller coaster.
A new study put out by the nation’s fussing mothers found that 95 percent of American sons badly need a haircut. American mothers are distressed by the nation’s high rate of shaggy hair, but researchers say that they aren’t surprised by the findings, citing American sons’ unmade beds, sagging pants and stained shirts.
Saying that the scientist was clearly the best at bouncing in their friend group, the MacArthur Foundation selection committee announced today that physicist Dr. Brian Hargrove had won their prestigious $625,000 “genius” grant for bouncing a tennis ball so freaking high, like even higher than the roof of their house which is pretty tall.
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