Will's articles
A terrible misunderstanding led a number of well-qualified high school seniors to turn down Brown University's offer of admission. Following what they deemed to be an 'intolerant' encounter with one of Brown's most popular clubs, a number of high school seniors not yet prepared to be open about their homosexuality, as well as those who support them, have deemed that their tuition dollars will be going elsewhere.
The federal government is "very disappointed" in Wall Street for blowing its entire 700 billion dollar bailout on a sleepover that was described by many as "a perfect example of the type of greed and wastefulness that brought America's economy to the brink of collapse" and by those who attended as "wicked awesome.
The Chauvinistic Undertones of Earnest Hemingway's The Sun Also Rises Are Representative of the 20th Century Male's Ulterior Resentment of Emergent Feminine Sexuality
The 20th century was a momentous one for women in America.
Women finally achieved the right to vote, the right to fair wages, and most importantly, the right to personal pleasure.
After months of arduous research and meticulous testing, scientists have discovered that there is an inverse relationship between the number of wheels on a given Segway and the perceived coolness of the user. After totaling the costs of prototype design and construction, and the employment of test subjects and judges, the experiment totaled nearly 5.
"I know it sounds crazy, but just hear me out," Peter Walsh '12 pleads. "I am 50-70% sure that my roommate is masturbating."
Walsh, an only child who has never shared living quarters prior to his first semester at Brown, first suspected that his roommate Aniket began, "giving himself hand jobs" a mere two weeks after they moved in together.
A rigorous, four year-long study conducted by Marcia Kulik of the Pacific Institute for Research and Evaluation has linked binge drinking with low-level brain damage, as well as a host of other serious side effects. Kulik explained that of these effects, by far the most significant were heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, and being really popular.
Following the carnage at last week's softball game against Cornell, the administration has finally acknowledged that their ill-fated introduction of live grizzly mascot Bartholomew the Bear was a mistake. Michael Goldberger, the Director of Athletics at Brown, recently called a press conference to apologize to the community at large.
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