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The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences’ annual Oscar nominations made history in this strange year for cinema by celebrating a record amount of studio bribes.
“We’re proud to celebrate the diversity of Hollywood,” said Academy president David Rubin in a speech at the televised nomination ceremony. “From $10,000 and a fruit basket, to a brand new Tesla, the bribes us Academy members have received this year demonstrate the range that Hollywood has to offer.”
Rubin then reminded the audience that there still is plenty of time until Academy members vote. Producers and studio heads can still wow Oscar voters with the rich storytelling of their films and by getting voters’ children into USC.
“The historically diverse range of work that has come out of Hollywood this year has made our job as voters very difficult,” Rubin continued from the podium. “In the past, we had only been bribed with things like expensive bottles of champagne, but now we get to appreciate a range of bribes that finally represent all that America has to offer. From receiving all-expenses-paid ski trips to Switzerland, to 50 thousand dollars in unmarked bills, there’s never been a better time to work in the film industry."
At press time, Rubin revealed the Academy would only be awarding white people again.
