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The Brown Noser

Al Qaeda Fans Up In Arms Over Digitally Remastered 11th Anniversary Collector’s Edition of 9/11

Published Friday, September 7th, 2012

Tuesday’s release of the digitally remastered 11th Anniversary Collector’s Edition of 9/11 has die-hard Al Qaeda fans shaking their heads in disapproval.

As one self-described “Al Qaeda super-fan” explained, “When they go back and add these special effects and CGI, it takes away from the magic of the original.” He continued, “We like the old 9/11 and we’re not interested in this digitally revamped piece of garbage.”

In addition to several previously deleted acts of terrorism and an alternate ending in which Osama bin Laden tricks George W. Bush into giving him the American presidency, this new edition of 9/11 also makes use of the latest advances in digital restoration technology.

Online forums have served as the primary battleground for these debates concerning the digital alteration of the terrorism classic. Jihadist_93 wrote in one post on Al Qaeda’s IMDB page, “Ever since Bin Laden died, Al Qaeda’s really gone downhill. This latest release is just another case of Al Qaeda selling out to the mainstream. I mean, how else do you explain their IMDB STARmeter going up six percent?"

Despite some pushback from fans, Al Qaeda CEO Ayman al-Zawahiri insists that digitally remastering is the way to go. “Change is always difficult,” remarked the Al Qaeda CEO. “Some people said that Avatar was a mistake. Those people were wrong. Avatar was fucking great. I even own the soundtrack.”

He added, “This is pretty much the same situation so I’m confident it will all blow over.”

According to Al Qaeda sources, the digitally remastered edition of 9/11 will also feature 3D technology, a blooper reel of goofy terrorist gaffes, and full-length commentary by executive producer George Lucas.

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