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The Brown Noser

Ancient Philosopher About To End Hot Streak By Saying Dogs Are Horses Born At Night

Published Friday, March 11th, 2022

After laying the philosophical groundwork for the next two millennia, ancient philosopher Byonacles was about to end his hot streak by saying that dogs are what happens when horses are born at night.

“They have four legs just like a horse but they look so mean with their sharp teeth and mean is dark like the night,” muttered Byonacles to himself, pacing around a humid cellar where in only a few short moments he will conceive an absolute dud of a theory. “So, ipso facto, the scary dog is just the nice horse birthed in the mean night!”

“And that hair! Those dogs and their thick coats! You’d only need fur that thick in the coldest of conditions, like perhaps… NIGHT TIME!” exclaimed Byonacles to himself, really missing the mark with his new idea and yet still somehow becoming the most respected philosopher in all of Athens. “If a dog is truly just a night horse, it follows that after being chained in the city square for 20 days and 20 nights a strong and fertile mare covered in thick tapestries and shielded from sunlight should birth a dog both mean and hairy! Undeniable proof!”

At press time, a medieval medicine man is about to end his hot streak by claiming that if women push hard enough, they could lay eggs.

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