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The Brown Noser

“And These Are The Patient’s Eyeballs,” Says Anatomy Professor Handing Peeled Grapes To Blindfolded Students

Published Monday, October 31st, 2022

Passing a bowl of peeled grapes to his blindfolded pre-med students, human anatomy professor David Jacobsohn spookily said, “these are the patient’s eye- balls,” during a Halloween-themed “Frankenstein’s lab” component of the lecture.
“The patient was a young, white male, aged 28, moderately healthy though an occasional smoker, and these are his goopy brains!” said Jacobsohn as he passed around a bowl of cold spaghetti.
“Notice the numerous ridges and valleys of the brain, these are known as the gyri and the sulci. Now notice how gross and slimy it is! And you’re touching it! Mwa- haha! What part of this haunted corpse will be next on this on this All Hallows’ Afternoon class?”
Shrieking sources in the class confirm that while they thought it was ooky, spooky, and gross to touch the patient’s withered, dismembered body parts with- out gloves, they also made sure to take copious notes in case qualitative information would be useful for the final exam.
“Here is his hair, once so fair, and here is his blood, congealed like mud,” continued professor Jacobsohn through plastic fangs, cackling as he handed a bowl of corn silk and a bowl of ketchup to his students. “Remember to take note of everything you feel here as it’s important to your studies to understand how a body decomposes. But also know that every Halloween night, the patient’s spirit rises again and takes revenge on the living! Boo!”
At press time, Urban Studies students were tasked to conduct research on Providence neighborhoods by going door to door asking for candy.

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