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The Brown Noser

Archaeology Of College Hill Class Uncovers Evidence Of Underground Coffee Shop

Published Friday, March 14th, 2025

Groundbreaking new material evidence from Brown’s “Archaeology of College Hill” class has revealed that an underground coffee shop may have existed on the University’s campus at one time.

“It appears that underneath Stephen Robert ’62 Campus Center, there may have been a gathering place of some sort, perhaps somewhere for communal food or beverage consumption,” said Dr. Alex Dreighton, who was leading the excavation inside of Faunce House. “This completely changes our conception of this region.”

“Who knew anything was down there?” said freshman Evan Chase, who had discovered the location after exploring previously under-researched areas near the Main Green. “I’m much more familiar with the sites on North Campus.”

“We are seeing evidence of monumental architecture,” added Dreighton, gesturing toward what resembled several small tables. “We’ve also found small ceramic wares, such as mugs, and a high prevalence of ornamental rings, necklaces, and piercings.”

At press time, members of a class researching psychedelics had discovered evidence of a floating castle made of multicolored eyes above the Main Green.