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The Brown Noser

Area Man Mistakes Filthy Pigeon Feather for Sign from the Universe

Published Friday, November 2nd, 2012

Providence resident David Manville recently came across a dirty pigeon feather on Thayer Street and, mistaking it for the “sign, any sign” he had been looking for, pocketed the feather for safekeeping.

Manville, a self-professed shell of the man he once was, had resolved to “just let the universe” be the guiding force in his life only a few minutes earlier. “It’s been a really tough few years,” said Manville. “But now that I’m finally giving in to the whims of this all-powerful universe, things are going to be okay. I know that because I found this feather.”

Manville assured reporters that the feather was on the sidewalk for a reason, and not just because two diseased pigeons had been fighting over a piece of a bagel in the area. “I know a sign when I see one,” said Manville, holding the likely hazardous feather up to his face.

“What are the chances that this would just be here, right where I walk every day?” commented Manville. Despite the very high probability of finding feathers in an area inhabited by birds, Manville remained certain that the universe was speaking directly to him via the grimy quill.

“The universe put this in front of me for a reason. It’s telling me to live my life like a bird, to be free,” he said.

Manville told the reporters that, for him specifically, being like a bird meant quitting his job and moving to California. “The universe wants me to do this but the universe hasn’t told me how yet," said Manville, after explaining that he does not currently have enough money to get farther than western Pennsylvania.

Minutes later, Manville found a squirrel carcass in the gutter and took it as a sign that he still had a shot with his old high school crush.

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