Tuesday, September 25, 2018
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The Brown Noser

Area Woman Taking Sick Pleasure In How Busy Her Google Calendar Is

Published Friday, September 14th, 2018

Proudly venting about how many appointments she has on her Google Calendar this week, Haley Zielinski seemed to be drawing some kind of sick satisfaction from her packed schedule, sources said.

“Ugh!” Zielinski exclaimed audibly, cracking a satisfied grin while complaining to a friend. “I have to go to a meeting with the Provost in 5, followed immediately by back-to-back sit-downs with all my Meiklejohn advisees, and then an interview for an internship for the summer. I’ll be lucky if I even get a meal in today!”

Zielinski repeatedly emphasized the sleep and nutrition deprivation aspects of her busy agenda, leading many to believe she must be getting some depraved form of pleasure from her inability to do anything but attend pre-scheduled meetings today.

“I only slept for like four hours last night and I’ll probably have to pull an all-nighter tonight if I want to get any of my work done,” Zielinski mentioned casually, beaming at her friends like it was something to be proud of. “I might not even have time for a bathroom break till tonight! Can you imagine? I hope I can make it through the day."

At press time, Zielinski was experiencing a rush of excitement after receiving a new series of conflicting Google Calendar invites.

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