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The Brown Noser

Astrophysics Concentrator Maybe Sees Big Dipper!

Published Saturday, February 18th, 2023

Walking to his dorm after dinner, astrophysics concentrator Zachary Erving announced that he maybe just found the Big Dipper!

“Wait, like, right there, I think that’s maybe it!” said Erving, an aspiring NASA aerospace engineer. “I’m, like, 87 percent sure. Maybe 88. OMG that’s so crazy I feel like I’m always with people who can find it but I never actually can find it by myself. Like, go me.”

“Wait, I actually feel so good right now, that’s like, cool as hell,” continued Erving, who recently worked in a lab researching magnetohydrodynamics. “You have to look a little to the left of that tree. Follow where I’m pointing. No, not there. Just, like, follow where I’m pointing, and there’s the Big Dipper, I think. Literally, that’s actually so awesome, haha what the fuck.”

At press time, chemistry concentrator Addy Wheelhouse announced that if you put mentos in Coke, it could totally explode.

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