This week the Avon announced plans to show a film one or two people you know will almost go see.
The film, which is an independent film distributed by a major studio, is titled “Hazel Summer” or “Retiring the Fergussons” or “Achoo!” (German title: Hatschi!) and may very well be presented with subtitles, though that doesn’t mean it’ll be any good at all.
“Danger, Gently” or whatever it’s called is the third film by some director whose name sounds vaguely familiar because you maybe once read a review of a movie he directed or talked to someone who made plans to see it with you but then never did and it was fine, like seriously no big deal, you totally forgot about it too.
Reviews for, I don’t know, “The Bleeding Kitchen” or something like that have been pretty positive or so claims the trailer which plays on an incessant loop on that little TV at the front of the Avon at all hours of the day and night.
As far as someone at a party drunkenly making plans to go see it with you is concerned, the lead actor is almost definitely that much beloved English actor that’s not Sir Ian McKellen or Collin Firth or that other guy. His performance even earned him a BAFTA or a Cesar but will certainly be overlooked by the Academy.
According to the film’s poster, which features an old man and a child or just a shitload of flowers, it won Cannes or maybe Sundance, but it probably just earned an honorable mention at Tribeca.
No matter how hard one or two people you know try to go see the film, they almost certainly will not and then remember they forgot to but by that time its run will be over, at which point they might then make plans to go see the new film coming to the Avon in two weeks titled “Fool’s Feast” or “Good Morning, Quotidian” or — aw, who fucking cares, you’re not going to see it anyway.