Partly Cloudy, 64°
Unsure how to socialize with peers in an easygoing and casual manner, Darren Wesley ‘15 has instead committed to satirizing a Coors Light beer can label for the duration of the party.
“Well, I was feeling pretty awkward because I’m not a good conversationalist and I don’t usually like going to parties,” remarked Wesley. “That’s when I realized the answer to my problems was in my hand: a can of Coors Light, practically begging me to enumerate the various idiosyncrasies of its label for comedic effect.”
“Let the roast begin!” he added.
From the beer’s logo to its color scheme, seemingly no detail of the Coors Light label is safe from Wesley’s incisively parodic sendups.
“Coors?” Wesley remarked, indicating the beer in his hand to a passing partygoer. “Is that even a word? Kinda weird, right?”
Wesley has stationed himself near the 24 pack of beer, where he’ll wait for an audience of one or two with whom he will share an ironic observation of one of the beer can label’s apparently numerous quirks.
“It’s weird that they don’t put nutritional facts on these cans,” Wesley commented in the general direction of a girl getting a beer. “I mean, it’s like pretty weird.”
Wesley’s audience reaction has been mixed, with reviews from partygoers ranging from, “that weird guy at the beer table keeps whispering things to me” to “is there any beer left?” to “that guy is actually totally right, it is weird that they don’t put nutritional facts on these things.”
Though some have noted that Wesley often makes the same remark several times, he sees nothing wrong with re-using material. “I just tell it like it is. Sometimes I tell it like it is twice. Maybe three times. Gotta give the people what they want.”
At press time Wesley was seen holding up a beer can and saying “seriously?” and “what?” and “I mean, come on!”
