Desperately sweeping an endless pile of seeds off his sheets, area man Josh Grapeman reported that his bed would likely never recover from its encounter with a sesame seed bagel. “This is just a disaster,” said Grapeman, increasingly aware that he had just been destined to a life of sleeping in a sesame seed-infested bed. “But at this point I really have no recourse. I have to live with the consequences of my actions.” At press time, Grapeman’s bed had yet to recover from its harrowing encounter with a Nature Valley bar.

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