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The Brown Noser

Beekeeper Seems Like He Gets Off On The Whole Thing

Published Friday, September 16th, 2016

Bee keeper Richard Matthews seems like he enjoys this whole beekeeping thing a little too much sources report. The man who practiced the trade for nearly 15 years allegedly smiles way too often.

“I find bees to be an infinitely fascinating subject,” Matthews said with an unnecessary amount of enthusiasm in his voice. “They’re so alive and each have their own personalities while also being drones that need to sublimate their individuality for the greater good of the group.”

While tending to his hives, Matthews can be seen wearing his beekeeper suit, which he insists is standard practice in order to ensure his safety, but he definitely feels something weird when he puts it on. To him, the suit is like a sign of control and power, probably.

However, he sometimes chooses not to wear gloves because they prevent him from really getting in there. What a sicko.

“A thing that beekeepers do that most people don’t know about is we let ourselves be stung a few times on purpose,” said Matthews pretending as if he weren’t a total freak. “It helps build up immunity to the stings. It only hurts the first few times. After that it’s really not a big deal.”

“It almost feels good,” he added, hopefully joking, but who the hell knows what’s happening in this guy’s mind?

Approaching his hive, Matthews, practically chuckling from glee, explained the differences between various types of bees. “The drone bees are stuck,” said Matthews. “They don’t even get to leave the hive. If I had to choose what type I’d want to be I’d say queen bee. She’s the most powerful because she lays all the eggs. I find it pretty neat that it all depends on her.”

At press time, Matthews was pulling out his bee smoker.

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