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Area birthday clown Bubbles stunned local parents this weekend when he took off his red nose, revealing a jawline sharp enough to slice through any balloon animal.
“I thought I was hiring some old guy in a wig to make balloon animals, but suddenly I’m locking eyes with a total heartthrob,” said party mom Katie Wrubel, adjusting her hair and pretending to be interested in juggling for the first time in her life. “I mean, he did have a little face paint left on, but even that just made him look edgy. Like, in a cool way.”
“He made me a sword out of a long balloon, and then he winked at my mommy,” said birthday boy Timmy, who paused mid-cupcake to squint at the suddenly handsome man who was, for some reason, soliciting himself as a birthday entertainer. “I’m pretty sure he was supposed to be funny, but now mommy’s asking if he does adults-only parties, whatever that means.”
“Ughhh! He could be doing so much more than steering a comically small car with those looks,” gushed Katie’s mom friend Olivia. “Like, he could be a personal trainer or one of those guys who stands shirtless outside Abercrombie & Fitch!”
At press time, a nearby mime broke his silence, revealing a shockingly sonorous voice that left the moms wondering if clowns were even their type anymore.
