Saturday, March 15, 2025
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The Brown Noser

Boxer Who Floats Like Butterfly, Stings Like Bee, Dies Immediately After Punching Opponent Once

Published Friday, March 14th, 2025

Boxer Joe Clayton, who floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee, has reportedly died after punching his opponent a single time.

“I mean, I thought this guy was gonna kill me when he started literally flying around the ring,” said Clayton’s opponent, Buzz Tenorman, still in shock after the fight. “He screamed at me, ‘BUZZ! I’m gonna knock you out if it’s the last thing I ever do!’ Turns out it was. He punched me once in the face, and it really stung, but then…he just dropped dead. I won by default.”

“I really think he was just confused by my advice,” remarked Clayton’s coach, Lou Bardeaux, who shook his head in disappointment at Clayton’s body, which resembled a dead bug on the sidewalk. “When I told him to leave it all in the ring, I didn’t think he would actually leave everything. I mean, in practice, he never threw a single punch, so maybe I should’ve expected this.”

At press time, Bardeaux’s other protégé was disqualified for fighting with his teeth and nails.