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The Brown Noser

Boy Probably Just Being Mean To Girl On Playground Because Girl Literally Sucks

Published Friday, February 16th, 2024

Witnessing hair pulling and teasing, local recess aide Janet Krulinsky alleged that nine-year-old Billy Jones is probably just being mean to Alicia Freund because Freund literally sucks.

“It’s really normal for boys and girls at this age,” said Krulinsky as Jones called Freund ‘brace face,’ referencing her purple braces. “Young boys don’t know yet how to appropriately express themselves, so they resort to jeering and mocking when they meet someone who really, really sucks.”

“They’re not yet old enough to properly communicate their feelings,” Krulinsky continued as Jones stuck his tongue out at Freund, who was playing hopscotch. “I’m not concerned about his behavior. It’s nothing out of the ordinary for a fourth-grade boy to make fun of a girl who’s actually the fucking worst.”

“I’m not saying I condone it,” Krulinsky said, watching Jones pinch Freund’s arm. “I’m just saying, he’s not being a little asshole for no reason. He’s being an asshole because Alicia’s literally so freaking annoying.”

At press time, a man was probably just winking at a woman because he had something in his eye.

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