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Sources from Brown’s Office of Alumni Relations confirmed that preparations are underway for the Brown Class of 2050’s big negative 25th anniversary ceremony.
“Events like these are a great reminder to the class of ‘50 that the connections you will make at Brown are going to be lifelong bonds,” said Quinn Newberg ‘25, future father of Riley Newberg ‘50. “We need to make sure that this is a memory that these students will treasure until the day they’re born.”
“We know our alumni are exceptionally busy, so it’s important to find a time that works for them,” added Newberg, who was tasked with creating a seating chart for the negative 230 alumni that said they would be in attendance. “After all, if they don’t find time for their negative 25th anniversary, there’s no way they’ll make it for their negative 24th or negative 23rd.”
“Brown is more than just a school. It’s a way of life,” added Newberg as he fruitlessly searched Amazon for listings of “2050s Party Decorations.” “But as we expand our alumni network, it’s important to think of Brown as a way of pre-life, too.”
At press time, the Brown Class of 2976 BCE began sending out RSVP cuneiform tablets for their 5000th anniversary celebration.
