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In a recent win for entrepreneurship, a Brown start-up, AskIt, has launched a new smartphone app that doesn’t work.
“We wanted to leverage the predictive capabilities of artificial neural networks and machine learning algorithms in order to create an interactive language-model that can answer critical questions,” explained Tom Hardman ‘26, the lead developer of AskIt, excited to show off the app’s horrendous graphical interface. “The application was designed to apply its predictive capabilities to answer questions about upcoming functions, developing political events, potential connections for professional and personal relationships, estimated wait-times during peak hours, and much more.”
“There was a lot of hype around the launch, and people were incredibly excited to get their hands on the thing,” said Hardman, who was unable to open the app without his phone crashing. “It was with great disappointment that we learned those who installed AskIt experienced technical difficulties.”
“While there have been a few minor incidents,” Hardman elaborated, trying to discreetly re-open the app for the third time, “the predictive capabilities of our software remain one of the most innovative options available.”
“We hope that Brown students will recognize the transformative potential that AskIt could have in their everyday routines,” Hardman told us confidently, sweat dripping down his brow as his phone was sparking and smoking. “Though the app is still in an early stage, the proprietary intelligence software which powers it remains robust.”
At press time, AskIt was reassuring its customers that the app was merely in its “pre-functional” phase.
