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Since its founding in 1764 by 18th-century baptists, Brown has grown from a small college to one of the world’s most prestigious universities. However, after 258 years of accreditation, Brown University officially shut down today after failing to attend a mandatory SAO event planning workshop.
“We make it very clear that all organizations must attend Event Planning 101, a single, half-hour meeting at the beginning of the academic year to maintain their active status,” said the director of the Student Activities Office Steven Brenner ‘15, as a wrecking ball began University Hall’s demolition process. “We just want to ensure that all groups know how to host events safely. With hundreds of classes, speakers, panels, and galas offered each semester, Brown hosts a tremendous amount of events, and we cannot allow them to continue if they don’t know how to fill out the proper registration forms.”
Christina Paxson, the president of the former university, frames Brown’s deactivation as a punishment too extreme for a simple logistical miscommunication, but according to the SAO, they attempted to reach Brown administration many times over the summer but were met with no response.
The University was further chastised for attempting to raise money with a Go- FundMe campaign, with which it raised almost 6,000 dollars. However, the Brown administration was forced to abandon the online fundraiser after it was found to go against SAO monetary policies.
“Just because the organization receives a budget of 7 billion dollars, substantially higher than any other campus organization, doesn’t mean that they are exempt
from SAO policy,” continued Brenner, as workmen continued transitioning Brown’s campus to a Harvard Extension School. “It really isn’t that hard to come to one small meeting in Kaspar where we have free pizza. If the organization can’t even do that, it shouldn’t be trusted with a budget. Besides, it’s not such a big deal; Brown can start up again when it reapplies for accreditation in 10 years.”
Without a school, Brown’s former students, faculty, and staff are being forced to make tough decisions, like whether to transfer to Tufts or drop out of college entirely.
