Prior to your CAPS appointment this morning, your CAPS therapist promised to keep everything confidential as long as you don’t mention anything the university could be remotely liable for.

“Remember, this is a safe space,” said CAPS therapist Hanover Smith, preparing to toe the line with HIPAA. “Everything we talk about will stay here. But, just as a reminder, I will have to inform the University if you mention anything of great concern.”

“For example, if you’re having overwhelmingly negative thoughts because of the University, if you feel depressed because the University is doing a bad job at supporting you, or if you feel any emotion at all related to the University, I might have to discuss that with Brown,” continued Smith, ready to press the panic button under his desk. “Anyways, how have you been feeling? Feel free to discuss anything on your mind.”

At press time, Telehealth promised your appointment would remain confidential to everyone except the FBI agent listening in on your session.

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