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The party life of Brown University is entirely reliant on the fact that people have birthdays, according to a recent report.
“Yeah, I didn’t really have plans for this Friday night,” said sophomore Kiko Reyes, grateful that society celebrates the anniversary of one’s birth so that he can get shit-faced in a basement on any given weekend night. “Luckily, my buddy Greg is on debate with this girl Ashley whose roommate Isabella’s older sister Miriam is celebrating her 21st, so we’re all going to roll up.”
“Honestly I can’t remember the last non-birthday party I went to,” Reyes continued, recalling the many strangers to whom he has wished a happy birthday before making a beeline to the alcohol, a practice that comprises the entire party culture of Brown University. “A couple weeks back a few friends and I got drunk in my room to pregame a birthday party. Does that count?"
At press time, Reyes’ friend Rachel was inviting him to a 315 Thayer suite for the birthday party of her CS partner Lee’s old middle school friend Peyton.
