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The Brown Noser

Carpet Burn So Fucking Crazy

Published Friday, November 1st, 2024

Following a recent roll around on your carpet, you realized that carpet burn is actually so fucking crazy.

“This shit’s insane,” you said to yourself as you traced your fingers through the reddish marks on your knees. “How does this even happen, and how can I even cure this? Is there even a cure for carpet burn? Who the fuck knows?”

“I think I’m gonna call this one Sally,” you continued as you noticed a scar that was definitely smaller in size yesterday. “She’s a hungry one, this one. How fucking crazy is this? Who even discovered that carpet burn was real? Why does this only happen when I slide on rugs? What the fuck is even going on right now?”

At press time, you realized that chemical burns are actually crazier.

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