Taking in a recent screening of Suicide Squad, area woman Pat Rykken expressed frustration that her friend won’t shut up about how he’s choking on a popcorn kernel and just let her enjoy the movie in peace. “It’s like, Matt, I get you wanna chat, but I’m trying to watch the movie here,” said Rykken, punching her friend playfully on the arm as his face slowly turned blue. “He always does this. During Spectre he kept talking about how Daniel Craig compared to all the old Bonds, and now he just keeps going on about how there’s a piece of popcorn wedged in his windpipe and that he needs someone to help him because he can’t breathe. Okay Matt, I get it, you like movies!” At press time, Rykken was declaring that she’d never go to the movies with Matt again if he flailed his arms wildly in front of the screen one more time.

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