Partly Cloudy, 64°
According to the quiet purring sound emanating from your tender embrace, you childhood bully isn’t so tough now that you two are gently kissing and reflecting on your unlikely love.
“I used to beat this twerp into a pulp every day because he was always so stubborn about giving up his lunch money,” said childhood bully Avery Glick, who isn’t nearly as scary as he used to be now that he’s cuddling you softly and whispering sweet nothings in your ear. “Now that strong headedness is one of the things I admire most about him.”
“I creamed him in the shirts versus skins dodgeball game in 8th grade, then I laughed and laughed while he cried like a little wuss,” continued Glick, far more approachable now that he often fantasizes out loud about the life you two will make together in the big city. “It’s years later, but that same emotional vulnerability is so vital to our relationship.”
“I mean, he was on the science olympiad team, so I’d always smash any carefully-built contraptions he was carrying into smithereens. Apparently he was usually able to piece something together in time for competition, and he did pretty well most of the time,” added Glick, whose daily love notes and spontaneous date ideas made him a lot less intimidating than when he was the most feared bully in all of middle school. “I feel so blessed to have fallen in love with someone so resourceful and resilient.”
At press time, bloodthirsty doberman pinscher isn’t so scary now that you’ve named him “Stuart” and made him wear a sweater.
