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A cult group claiming to be followers of a so-called “Christ” has begun their annual festival of virgin birth.
Members of the fringe religious sect inaugurate the winter festival by erecting an uprooted evergreen tree in their homes and decorating it with small cultic idols. Other festivities include procuring offerings to fellow members, congregating with relatives in select domiciles for up to several days, and traveling door-to-door singing devotional supplications to their crucified messiah-God.
“Christmastime is a magical time of year,” said Christ cult member Emily Jacobs as she performed the obscure rite of constructing a small gingerbread shrine. “I don’t know anyone who doesn’t love Christmas!”
The festival culminates in a final feast day commemorating the birth of the messiah-God by the virgin mother who, according to cult lore, retained the purity of her virginity despite being secretly impregnated by the almighty godhead, thus giving the festival its name.
“Merry Christmas,” added Jacobs, invoking the apotropaic dictum uttered continuously by cult members throughout the duration of the festival in order to ward off demonic spirits. “And Happy New Year!”
Known amongst cult initiates as Christmas, Xmas, or the day of the birth of the messiah-God-child by the godhead-impregnated Theotokos, Dec. 25 marks the end of the festival of virgin birth. After its completion, Christ cult members must wait several months for their next annual celebration, the anniversary of the crucified messiah-God’s resurrection, also known as The Day of Incorruptible Flesh, The Feast of the Virgin Rabbit, and Easter.
