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The Brown Noser

Cloaked Real Estate Agent Clearly Trying to Sell You Monster House

Published Friday, October 27th, 2023

Sources report that cloaked real estate agent, Mortimer Gage, is clearly trying to sell you the monster house from the 2006 classic Monster House.

“The house actually has a wealth of history. Also, as you can see, there’s lots of direct sunlight throughout the day,” pointed out Gage, shrouded in a black cloak that seemed to absorb all light and joy as he gestured to the shriveled trees in the front yard. “And the boarded windows offer unparalleled quiet and privacy during all hours.”

“This house really has a heart and soul ya know? You don’t find that easily nowadays,” claimed Gage as the sentient house visibly emanated evil. “Also, this is one of the best school districts in the state.”

“And let me assure you that the home security system is state of the art,” said Gage, as the house ingested a wandering adolescent begging for his life. “Asking price is the blood of the father, the soul of the daughter, and 30 jars of children’s tears. But between the two of us? The seller’s willing to go down to 25.”

At press time, the cloaked Toys “R” Us employee was clearly trying to sell you Annabelle from the 2014 classic Annabelle.

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