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The Brown Noser

Co-Star Keeps Telling Guy To Light Fires

Published Friday, December 6th, 2019

As opposed to the vague aphorisms and universally applicable advice usually displayed daily on the Co-Star astrology app, area man Geoff Porter’s profile keeps telling him to light fires. “Whereas on my friends’ phone, the app says that they have power in thinking and creativity, mine just tells me that today is the perfect day to watch it all burn down,” said Porter, terrified of his capabilities to destroy. “My compatibility charts with my friends are all sad faces. While their moons are in Sagittarius or Aquarius, my moon is apparently in Hephaestus, the constellation honoring the god of fire and stonemasonry, driving me to see my reflection in the blaze." At press time, Porter’s Meyer-Briggs type was confirmed to be “INFT: The Convicted Arsonist.”

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