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The Brown Noser

Concerned Centrist Calls For Unity Between Democratic Party And Antidemocratic Party

Published Friday, February 5th, 2021

Expressing deep concern over divisive behavior on both ends of the political spectrum, local centrist J.J. Pickle recently issued a stirring call for unity between the Democratic Party and the Antidemocratic Party.

“There’s far too much fear and hatred of the other side in this country — both among the Democrats and the Fascists,” Pickle declared, lamenting the continued inability of liberals obsessed with shaking up the health care system to come together and compromise with authoritarians determined to overturn elections they lost. “If Democratic leaders are serious about rebuilding mutual trust in America and enacting policies that can benefit everybody, they’ll need to reach across the aisle to their colleagues on the other side who recently fomented a conspiracy-fueled attempt to violently overthrow the federal government.”

Pickle repeatedly emphasized that he laid equal blame for the country’s deep divisions on both progressives pushing for rapid action to address climate change and white nationalists pushing to install a radical right-wing dictatorship to rule over the country in perpetuity with no democratic elections or adherence to any Constitutional principles.

“The fact is that a lot of problems in this country could be solved if stuck-up coastal elites took a moment to empathize with the mob of fanatical insurrectionists who brutally sacked the U.S. Capitol building and came within a stone’s throw of assassinating lawmakers on live television,” Pickle continued, noting that the people who openly chanted their desire to hang the Vice President for refusing to unilaterally invalidate millions of votes aren’t as narrow-minded and intolerant as they’re too often made out to be. “If only the left could walk a mile in the shoes of the Republican politicians and media figures who have spewed such incessant lies and hatred that they radicalized millions of Americans into believing wholeheartedly that their only path forward is a blood-soaked revolution, then maybe this country could finally start down the path to healing.”

Pickle concluded by warning that if Biden and Congressional Democrats push too hard to enact a public option or a path to citizenship for undocumented Americans, the nation’s democratic institutions could be tarnished beyond repair.

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