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The Brown Noser

Coolest Professor Announces Plans To Captivate Students By Saying “Bullshit” Exactly Three Times Per Lecture

Published Saturday, February 18th, 2023

In an attempt to make his biology lectures exciting, Professor Samuel Clarkson has announced he will be saying “bullshit” exactly 3 times per class.

“I’ve found that nothing keeps students engaged like an authority figure swearing three separate times in a class period,” said Professor Clarkson, setting a timer for five minutes before the end of class, in case he had a couple more “bullshits” still to incorporate. “I think it shows them I’m an equal, someone they can really learn from. Plus it makes me sound so cool and hip.”

“I’m even planning on dropping a singular F-bomb a little later in the semester, once attendance really starts dwindling,” shared Professor Clarkson, opening his calendar and marking big red stars on possible F-word days during midterms season. “That’ll get ‘em fired up to learn about cell biology!”

At press time, Professor Clarkson was busy filling his PowerPoints with outdated memes like “Keep Calm and Krebs Cycle On.”

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