Visibly shaken at the sight of the terrifying message he apparently left for himself the night before, area man Brian Nash has discovered a cryptic to-do note on his phone that just reads, “Send Email.” “Why did I think that I’d just remember who I was supposed to email?” said Nash of the mysterious note that draws into question his continuous sense of self. “Oh God, and it must have been important too because it’s in all caps with three exclamation points. What did I mean when I wrote that, and more importantly, who was I?” At press time, Nash has unearthed an unheeded ancient warning, etched in his notes app 4 months ago, that just reads, “Cancel subscription!”

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