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The Brown Noser

David Blaine Dies In Big Bubble Thing-Related Accident

Published Friday, October 30th, 2015

Calling it an “unforeseen tragedy,” reports on Thursday have confirmed that famed magician and endurance artist David Blaine has died in a big bubble thing-related accident.

The acclaimed illusionist’s latest stunt, which featured him being suspended in what appeared to be a huge-ass transparent bubble, reached its tragic conclusion early Thursday morning. Blaine kind of stiffened and then collapsed, shaking the gigantic, clear blob-shape and sparking panic down below.

The stunt, entitled “Impermanence,” presumably because bubbles eventually pop or something, began in August and immediately attracted a devoted following. Fans flocked to London to crowd underneath the humungous, see-through sphere until this morning’s tragic incident.

“Did he suffocate, maybe?” said London resident Sharon Lloyd-Clark who was watching the big orb stunt from below. “He was trying to shout something, but no one could hear him through the plexiglass. It’s really thick.”

Other details about the exact sequence of events leading to Blaine’s tragic passing are hazy.

“We’re not entirely sure what happened,” said London Chief of Police Bernard Howe, waving his arms in a wide circle in an attempt to describe the big bubble-looking thing.

At press time, a big crane thing was destroying the big bubble thing.

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