Kitchen sources report that a totally delusional onion is trying to become a plant in the cabinet. “It’s honestly so sad. What does it think is going to happen in there?” said area woman Mara Wallach, watching her forgotten onion put so much effort into sprouting a green stalk in the cabinet as if it could ever become a plant there. “Like, buddy, it’s not gonna happen. I mean, come on, does it really think it’s gonna rain in the cabinet? This is the end of the road, pal.” At press time, a sweet potato sprouting in the pantry needs a reality check.

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