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Reports from Washington, D.C. indicated that the U.S. Department of Anachronisms was spotted hastily attempting to rid themselves of 2.1 million dollars worth of embezzled doubloons by hurling them from the window of their spaceship.
“We’ve gotta get rid of these, pronto!” said Buster Grimes, Chairman, as he tossed hundreds of thousands of 17th-century Spanish coins out the window of his GalaxyMaster AF-6 Starship. “The auditors found us, and now we’re fucked! Quick, Abe, help me move this grandfather clock so we can get rid of all these doubloons!”
“The USDoA holds itself to the highest standards of financial scrutiny,” said Abraham Lincoln via Zoom call. “That such a crime be levied against our organization is an affront to our decency.”
“Just wait until the Secretary of War hears about this,” said Grimes, dispatching a carrier pigeon carrying seven USB drives with classified financial documents. “This is the biggest witch hunt since Salem.”
At press time, the U.S. Department of Historical Currency hit an absolute payday.
