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The Brown Noser

Dilbert Getting Really Tired Of This Shit

Published Friday, April 25th, 2014

Dilbert’s coworkers have reported that recently it seems like Dilbert is fed up with the gross incompetency, micromanagement and soul crushing bureaucracy of his work place. After years of working hard despite the clear disinterest and even disdain of middle and upper management, Dilbert is beginning to believe that no matter what he does he will be stuck in his dead end job forever.

Dilbert’s increasingly negative attitude came to a head this Wednesday when Director of Human Resources Catbert was conducting yearly employee reviews. In response to Catbert’s question asking where employees saw themselves in five years, Dilbert’s fellow engineer Wally responded, “On a lunch break.” When asked the same question, Dilbert just said, “Fuck off.”

The idiosyncratic, almost comic nature of corporate culture and office life now seems only to serve as a major stressor to Dilbert. “Yesterday, my temper flared up, so I threw all of his papers in the shredder,” said coworker Alice. “He just sighed and said, ‘Same shit, different day.’”

Dilbert’s close friend Dogbert is especially worried about the new Dilbert. “I always found Dilbert kind of funny," said Dogbert. "He was so much smarter than everyone around him, but he was powerless to do anything about it. Now that he comes home each night complaining, breath stinking of alcohol, it just seems sad.”

“No funny business here," he added. "Just a middle aged man with broken dreams.”

“To be honest, I think I’m finally starting to come to my senses," said Dilbert. "I’ve been working at this for nearly 30 years, and I have not been treated well. I’ve been thinking about quitting. That would show ’em. See how the office runs without old Dilbert to kick around anymore.”

In the most recent of a series of defiant acts, Dilbert left the office two hours early because the boss didn’t have the guts to fire him.

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