Sources report that elegant lady Katrina Crystal can only maneuver her vintage Duesenberg Phaeton while perched in a side saddle pose. “I truly can’t imagine driving in any other way,” said Crystal. “From the moment I stopped riding everywhere on the back of my purebred Arabian horse Cardamom and started driving through the winding roads of my estate and beyond, I have been physically incapable of assuming the more typical driving position.”

Crystal explained that her rigid yet refined way of driving makes being on the road unsafe for other drivers, as she has very little control over the gas pedal and has never once looked in her right side view mirror. However, even after being pulled over multiple times for sipping champagne out of a rose gold flute while driving and having her pet cheetah leaning out the driver side window, she insisted that driving in any other manner would be absolutely ridiculous and bad for her health.

At press time she was seen veering off the road because her white silk gloves were too slippery to command the sheepskin-coated wheel.

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