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Confronting each other with fists clenched around as many water-filled plastic bags as they could carry, everyone at the local carnival Saturday night was frantically giving away free fish, sources confirmed.
Fish were reportedly shoved into the hands of carnival-goers trying to buy cotton candy, offered up at the skeeball area as prizes one did not have to win, and forced upon those turning corners in the funhouse. These exchanges, sources report, were immediately undone as those who had just been given free fish immediately handed the bags back and ran away.
“I’ve been working at this carnival for five years and am still shocked by how quickly the chaos escalates,” said popcorn vendor Mike Martuccio as he handed five bags of fish to the reporter he was speaking to and refused to take them back. “I’m so sorry, but I have to go. I can’t bring all those fish home. My house is already filled with fish and I don’t have the means or desire to feed them or even own them. This job is hell!”
“Also, why is there no music? All you can hear is the sound of people screaming at each other!” Martuccio shouted as he ran back to his popcorn machine and angrily accepted more fish from someone in line.
According to reports, carnival-goers were seen climbing between the individual carriages of the in-motion ferris wheel to give away free fish, preventing people from getting off the Tilt-A-Whirl without taking more from those trying to get on the ride, and hiding behind the Dunk-Tank to rest before spotting others doing the same and then throwing their bags of fish at each other’s feet and running away.
At press time, cars were slowly exiting the parking lot completely packed with bags of now dead fish.
