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The Brown Noser

Father Desperately Hoping Daughter Doesn’t Take Him Up on Offer to Talk About It

Published Friday, May 3rd, 2013

Area father Bill Dimundo is really hoping his 13-year-old daughter Alana Dimundo will decline his offer to “talk about it.” Dimundo, who made the offer out of a sense of fatherly duty, when Alana said she was upset about “all the drama at school today,” then admitted that he was ill prepared to give his daughter any advice.

“I put that offer out there without really thinking about the consequences,” said Dimundo. “Does she want to talk about boys? Is it something about kissing boys? Is she going to tell me about the boys she wants to kiss? I’m just not ready to talk about that stuff.”

Dimundo admitted that he knows very little about most of the things that his daughter talks about, especially, “development issues.” Dimundo, who is divorced from Alana’s mother, said he “doesn’t have a very good grasp on what’s going on in terms of her puberty progress.”

“It just seemed like the right thing to say,” said Dimundo. “What if she wants to talk about her period? That’s a can of worms I don’t want to open.” Dimundo said that he is completely available to talk to Alana about preparing for law school and vocabulary words she does not know.

Dimundo, who plans to nod supportively and try not to think about whether or not Alana has been making out with that Kyle G. kid if she decides to talk about it, says he wishes he could give his daughter more helpful advice. “My backup plan is to call my ex-wife,” said Dimundo. “She is a woman,” he clarified.

Dimundo’s fears were put to rest moments later when Alana shouted, “Whatever, Dad, you wouldn’t understand!” and slammed her door in her father’s face.

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